so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
