Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
