just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize