I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
