my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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