I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
