I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize