It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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