We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
