so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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