if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
