i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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