Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
