I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
