sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
