ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
