News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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