I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
