I think my fart just growled at me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
