Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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