The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
