but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
