...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
