I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
