Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
