sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize