On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize