There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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