Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
