wrigley field is MILF paradise
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
