when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
