I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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