he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
