Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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