i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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