i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
