She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
