the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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