I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
