I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
