Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize