So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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