My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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