What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
