Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
