I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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