I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
