He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
