we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
