Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Randomize
