Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
