A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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