so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize