Where is the hickey?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
