I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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