idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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