You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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