I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize