Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
