so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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