Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
