I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
