She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
