So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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