Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
