Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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