i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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