he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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