she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
