tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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