oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize