And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize