I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
