She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize