Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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