Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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