At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
