Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
