In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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