ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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