Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
