on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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