I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
