Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
