dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
