guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
