no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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