he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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