i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
