is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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