Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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