He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
