marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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