so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
