Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
